Slouch

No one is sure why, but we all ended last week in a great mood. Part because there were no bad news meetings or teacher uprisings. It could also be insanity. Whatever the cause, I walked out of school Friday feeling great. I’ve been having a lot of fun with my kids and they enjoy me being in the classroom. I’m not teaching them a single thing, but school isn’t all about learning.

Most of the students in the school have an English name, but there are a few who only go by their Chinese name. One kid, Tam Ho Yin, is constantly running circles around my class and I get really sick of yelling “Tam Ho Yin, SIT DOWN!!!” over a hundred times a day. My voice can’t bear the syllables. So, on Friday I gave him his nickname.

He is the tallest boy in class and very lanky. In lines he is constantly bending over and twisting into different pretzel shapes to get rid of some energy. It was obvious to me that his English name should be ‘Slouch’.

Andrew helped me teach him his name and by the end of class on Friday, Slouch was responding to his new English alias. I tested him again this morning and I think it stuck.

Its making differences like this in children’s lives that gets me out of bed in the morning. In fifty years, Tam Slouch will be the president of China and you will all think of me.

A Funky Translation

Yesterday Andrew spent quite some time quieting his class. He has one student named Johnson who is a real troublemaker and is always talking. After Andrew finished yelling at Johnson, he muttered something under his breath in Cantonese that caused the class to gasp. Andrew asked the class many times what Johnson said, but no one wanted to translate the foul phrase.

After class was over, a boy walked up to Andrew and whispered that he knew what Johnson’s words meant in English. Andrew asked what they meant and with two fingers pointed and his arm moving in a swooping uppercut motion, the student shouted across the school, “Funk yo mothah!”

* * *

In a related story, my class took a field trip to the Museum of Medical Sciences today. In one room there were thank you notes from another school stuck to the wall. I was browsing through the notes when I found a rogue that missed the censor's eyes.

On Edge

Things have been very tense at work lately. Almost every English teacher at this school feels that they were duped into taking this position. When I accepted the job, I was told I would teach no more than three hours per day. The first day of school they told me I was a Math teacher with my own class of first graders and that I wouldn’t even have and English class to teach.

Over the past month, everyone has been logging at least 50 hours of work per week including Saturdays. I am the only one who hasn’t work on a weekend yet, but I also have possibly the most difficult position of any English teacher.

This led to a lot of stress for the teachers and tension with our boss. Last week we began to take a stand and probably gave our boss the worst week she has ever experienced. We simply told her that we weren’t happy and regretted taking this position. I explained how I felt lied to and what she needed to do to make things better before everyone started walking out. A few people refused to show up for their Saturday duties without being compensated for the extra hours, which I believe was a good move.

This week, things are much better. I believe the Saturday duties will be eliminated after everyone has worked six. We should also be getting some help in the classrooms from Chinese teachers since many of our students don’t understand English at all.

I was hoping for an easy year of teaching a few hours a day while enjoying life in Asia. However, this job is very sickening sometimes and I vow never to teach again. With all of that said, I’m not sure I’d rather be anywhere else right now. I love Asia and I have made some great friends at this job. Our relationships have flourished through these first six weeks of work as we persevered together and supported each other. I have gained so much in Hong Kong already and can’t wait to see what happens in the future.

'The Jews'

At quiz night on Wednesday, we had an accidental antisemitic moment. The questions are delivered over the bar noise by an expat emcee with a thick English accent. The category, Famous People; the question, "Who created the Mars bar?"

I immediately responded with 'the Mars family' which was of course the correct answer. However, Andrew heard an entirely different question. Through the emcee's accent, Andrew heard, "Who created the maza bah?" and interpreted this to be something Yiddish. Without even consulting his team, Andrew wrote 'Jews' on our answer sheet.

I was pretty sure my answer was right, but he wrote with such conviction that I figured Andrew knew something about candy bars that I didn't. I let the answer remain and we turned it in.

When the correct answers were announced, Andrew scratched his head trying to understand 'The Mars Family.' We discussed our thinking and he realized he had just committed a very taboo sociological blunder.

We fared decently this week on the trivia, but our reputation has surely been tarnished by our disdain for the Jewish ties to chocolate.

Mid-Autumn Festival

One month in Hong Kong and we’ve already had two national holidays. This weekend was the Mid-Autumn Festival, which is the equivalent to the American Thanksgiving because most people travel to be with families and spend some time together.

There aren’t any big feasts or football, but there was a giant party at the end of my street with over 100,000 people. The entire park was decorated with paper lanterns and every kid makes a lantern each year and runs around with it on the festival night.

There were your basic Chinese entertainers; a woman contortionist that balanced a tray of wine glasses on her chin while she twisted into various pretzel shapes, a goofy looking man that wishes he could sing in Vegas, but his career only took him as far as public venues with crowds in the hundreds that stop while passing to see if his chin beard is real, and a dance troop dressed in ancient Chinese clothing that dances to Asian hip-hop.

We also ate moon cakes all week. The Hong Kongers love these things, but I haven’t met a single Westerner that can stand them. It’s a small cake that looks yummy, but its dry and the filling is either a semi-sweet vegetable like lotus or its filled with multiple egg yolks. I tried about five different types and couldn’t finish one.

Every night in Hong Kong there is a giant light display on the harbor. All of the big skyscrapers are decorated top to bottom with bright lights and at eight o’clock the lights dance and the entire skyline goes crazy with lasers and spot lights. I just moved into my real apartment this weekend and I sat on my bed last night to watch the light show from my room. I forgot it was a holiday and there ended up being a thirty minute fireworks display in front of my building. It was a nice welcome to the neighborhood gift from the city.

When You're Talking in Your Sleep

I don’t know what’s going on in my head, but these kids must really be getting to me. Last night, for the third time in a month, I found myself sitting straight up in bed at 4am and instructing my students. I say things like, “Harold. Harold! You need to sit-down.” I’ve also warned my students that they shouldn’t be in my apartment while I’m asleep. After I realize what I'm doing, I usually shake my head in bemusement, but also signaling to my students that their behavior should stop. I fall back to sleep quickly only to remember what happened in the morning and wonder if I should be on any sort of medication.

I am becoming a little weary of my psychosis. I wonder how long it will be until I walk into Andrew’s room in the middle of the night and shout, “Andrew, stop talking and sit at your desk before I call your mother!” Even worse, I might actually make the call home.

Convenient Lyrics

Everyday there's a boy in the mirror
asking me, What are you doing here?
Finding all my previous motives
are growing increasingly unclear.

I've travelled far and I burned all the bridges
I believed as soon as I hit land.
All the other options held before me
will wither in the light of my plan.

Homesick by The Kings of Convenience

Hot Pot

Monday night I went out with some Cantonese friends for what they call Hot Pot. The restaurant was in an ethnic Chinese part of town called Sheung Wan (think of a classic Chinatown). There were nine of us and we sat at a big table upstairs. There were two gas burners on the table with big pots of boiling water and cabbage.

They brought out drinks and then someone ordered all of our meats and veggies. The idea behind hot pot is that everything is raw and you cook it in the water or a spicy saute sauce for about thirty seconds and then enjoy. We ate everything from tofu to fresh crab to beef and lamb. The main course lasted about forty-five minutes and I was stuffed to the rafters. Then, the four dessert courses came out. I thought I could find room for chocolate cake or something, but their idea of dessert is way different.

The first dessert was a sweet soup with cubes of gelatin and green beans sans husk. Not too bad, but very different. Then, we had a round of tea followed by a plate of sweet potatoes, a mystery nut and some root I couldn't identify. I didn't exactly go crazy at this point. Another round of tea and some unbuttoning of my pants to make room for the rest. The final dessert was a plate of melons that we gobbled up and then passed out.

The meal was fantastic and the best part was that it lasted for over two hours. The conversation was great and I got to meet some more locals while eating some real Chinese food.

Birthday Weekend

This weekend Andrew and I celebrated our birthdays with a few friends from work. Friday night Carol and Lauren came over a brought a cake. We played trivial pursuit, watched a movie, and forgot about work. Saturday was for sleeping in and running a few errands. That night we had dinner with some more teachers from school and hung out in Lan Kwai Fong all night. We had some fabulous late-nite kebabs and went home to fall asleep to another movie.

Yesterday was my official birthday although the party lasts for days. Andrew and I left the apartment at noon and walked across town to an area called Soho. The first place we came across was called McSorley’s. Unbelievable. We had no choice but to go in and replenish ourselves. The place was nothing like the original, but they did copy some things like the motto ‘Be good or be gone’.

After McSorley’s we walked home and watched some ‘TV’ on my laptop and took part in our annual birthday ritual at midnight.

This weekend wasn’t near as extravagant as last year, but I really enjoyed being with friends and relaxing yesterday.

Quiz Night

If you know me well enough you’ll be able to list all of my self-claimed talents, trivia…and Trivial Pursuit. So, you can imagine how excited Andrew and I were when we found out that Wednesday night is Quiz Night around the corner from our apartment. We prepared mentally for a week and assembled a team consisting of the other two people we know in Hong Kong, Carol and Lauren.

At 8pm last night we walked into Dickens Pub hoping that there really was Quiz Night and that someone else would show up. I was thrilled when we were the last of six teams to arrive. We assessed the competition and thought we had a pretty good chance of winning the curry buffet for six.

The categories were almost picked with us in mind; History, Geography, Name the Building, Music, Movies, and Sports. Cakewalk, right? Wrong. After round two we were tied for dead last with dim hopes of making up ground. The questions were severely British biased and some of the music was unknown to any non-Aussie. There were three Canadians and they were the only three to miss the capital of Ontario question.

We ended up finishing last and got the consolation bucket of Chang. We had a blast though and made friends with some teams. You can count on us being at Quiz Night every Wednesday and maybe walking away with the free airfare to Shanghai and grand prix tickets they awarded last week.